apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Randomize
