I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
