The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
