operation harelip BJ is a go
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
