I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Randomize
