Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Randomize
