This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
