Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
