Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
