i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Randomize
