from now on my penis is your penis
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
