Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Randomize