how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Randomize
