Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
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