Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
this just has baby written all over it
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
Randomize
