He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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