I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
