do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
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