Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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