Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
