Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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