So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
