I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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