i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
Randomize
