My nipple is on Facebook.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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