I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Its about making memories worth repressing
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
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