What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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