Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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