So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
