Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You need a sexual gate keeper
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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