you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
