shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Randomize
