Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
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