Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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