I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
