We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
