I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
