The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
