Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
Randomize
