pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Randomize
