I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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