he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
