3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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