dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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