Heybabeimwearingurpanties
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
