so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
