Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
