Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
