I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize