I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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