Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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