i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
