Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
