...so i touched it.
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
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