Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
