U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
