After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Do you have feelings for this penis?
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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