it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Come on in and take your pants off
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