3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
