I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
