oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
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