first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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