If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
