I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
