we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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