She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
